yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He kissed a someone with a penis
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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