god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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