i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize