just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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