Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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