i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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