look no pants
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
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The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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