I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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