Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
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Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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