You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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