I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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