soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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