State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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