I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize