I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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