booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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