True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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