It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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