The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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