If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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