She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize