so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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