Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize