I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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