It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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