Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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