just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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