2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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