Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize