I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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