You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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