I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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