Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize