someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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