I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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