These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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