I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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