Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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