Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize