The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
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Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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