Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
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Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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