Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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