Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize