I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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