Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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