just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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