Just fell off a train. Bad.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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