so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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