Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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