2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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